The Hunt and The SlaughterHouse

The Hunt.
The young deer has spent his life in the forest, learning to avoid predators and the smell , sounds of man from his mother. This year he is a bachelor, separated from his sibling and mother. he is afraid and alone, but has never known pain....when there is a threat he runs, and hides. then when it is quiet he enjoys the sweet scent of the forest, the sweet grass and herbs.

one Autumn day, he heads out to the fields that he used to go with his mother and twin sister to chew the succlent spring grass. there are dry grains left, which are irresistable and tasty. he is hungry and alone. His first year as a buck.

The hunter watches the young buck edge cautiously onto the field...he takes aim, and fires. The young buck bolts then , drops, still alive.

the young deer has never felt pain like it, the sound was terrifying..then he cant move his legs enough to run. Danger is approaching! All his instincts rage with fear. then a noise and darkness,

The hunter took 5 minutes to finish the young deer off after the first shot. the forest is again quiet. The deer is taken home, butchered and put in the freezer.


The Slaughterhouse

The young cow had known peace, and milk. played in the fields with the other calves. The humans came and fed his mother and sometimes they scared him when they grabbed him and put a painful thing in his ear. His mother wasnt afraid of the humans and he soon forgot about the pain.

There was milk, food, play and peace...he slept in the sun, nibbled his first clover...the humans came again and did strange painful things, but then they let him go play with the other young cows. Then they put him in a different place with other calves...but that was OK. they always let him go and gave good food.

Then one day there was a strange loud machine with metal he had to go on, there were so many cows! He was pressed so close to the others he couldnt move, the place was terrifying. One calf fell over and didnt get up.
More metal, more humans, but food yes lots of food. Another day, he doesnt walk fast enough! a human pokes him with pain. he tries to obey, but more pain, more metal, more pokes. his companions are bellowing in fear and pain. he wants grass and peace.

He can only move forward. a human kicks him , and pokes him, again and again, pain. more pain, fear, and hes in this place that smells strange, like sickness. another rod pokes him in the head. the world goes dim and his body cannot move...after a few moments he is
aware of another pain, then nothing.

30 minutes to an hour for death. not including the time in feedlots and trucks.

The young steer is butchered and put in a freezer.

i could light myself on FIRE. And no one would give a crap.

Other than the pain of burning to death.....i understand why people light themselves on fire. its the only way anyone might walk past and take notice of your own personal rage/injustice statement....
however, what the self-immolated fail to realize is that their notoriety might last a day or two at best. yeah I get crazy angry enough to light myself on fire at least once a month....but dammit, its just an internalizing rage that accomplishes nothing.

Some average human: " hey, i was on my way to the office today, and this nutbar lit themselves on fire! way cool man, there was an ambulance, I even spilled my coffee! maybe my pic is on the news"

yep way to go out.

I would come up with something much more elaborate, but by the time i planned it I might not be as enraged.

Nazi Nurses of STD clinic...aka... HELL

Well, you know , over the past 15 years off an on I have been " suffering" from sexual addiction. I call it personal freedom (denial? moi?). but all that biological crap catches up with you eventually...pregnancy, thrush, STDs, stalkers and the like.

So after 60 plus casual ..ok, even the odd long term lover....it catches up with you.

so after some niggling vaginal distubances after the latest partner.....I visit the local STD clinic.

am greeted by cheerful friendly nurses.oh can this student come along> "SURE" why not? everyone else has viewed my genitals anyways! _ I dont actually say that out loud....

after i have answered many friendly questions about everything from my breakfast preference to my dental history...I spread my thighs for a closer inspection. " Are these dark spots normal?" yes. they were there when I was 8. " do your labia always look like that? um yeah. do they have eyes? tentacles? or what?
are you usually this red? yes. this purple?yes. this skin colored?uh. this yellow? um. this pink? maybe.good LORD I would have brought a photo collage if I had known.

finally they bring out the gear for a deeper inspection. " what the %^%^ is that? oh wait. its an IUD" like I keep my pet goldfish in there.

does this hurt? jab? this? jab jab" oh wait we have to get some pus. is that pus? your IUD is in the way, you have to bear down....ok..now birth some pus...can it get any worse? yes.

finally after a critique of my apparently demonic, alien like pussy from hell....I am allowed to get dressed. then begins the inquisition.

so when was you last partner. I told them...last week after one year of no one new, are you a prostitute. no, but sheesh if I got paid I wouldn't mind the vivisection as much. they are not amused.

the friendliness disappears when i dont have the home phone number of my last partner. I mention hes married and I'd like to mention this to him..privately...the harsher nurse gets within 3 inches of my face and demands his home number. his address. they get really angry and demand his last name and area of the city. after another hour of waiting I can go, with implied threats of home phone calls. Maybe they'll have a black van hang outside my house with a guy named Carlos glaring at me from behind dark glasses.

after 15 days I do go back for a follow up....lo and behold i get Nazi Nurse. I have no STDs, but vaginosis, although she is adamant that I am to blame. she states " you can ruin lives, childhoods and destroy marriages" and tells me to GO. just GO.

got to love the wellness health system of ALBERTA.

you know you're an alcoholic WHEN.....

you shoot chinese cooking wine with your nose plugged, followed by a cola chaser.

You drank all the vanilla extract as it contained alcohol.

you were disappointed that mouthwash was non alcoholic after all

you tried fermenting sugar and yeast to get a free buzz.

As a dinner party hostess, you quietly run up to the bathroom, puke up the mickey of Vodka you drank to bolster your confidence before guests showed up; then return calmly to offer everyone appetizers.

you start your day with an espresso, followed by two tums, a zantac and a double vodka shot.

you look at percentage alcohol as your deciding choice of liquor.

you double bag your recycling to hide the fact that 90 percent of it are alcohol bottles.

and then the week starts all over again. cheers!

the insanity begins.......or continues 12 years hence.

So I have come full circle. 12 years ago.... after a few months of "marriage" indoctrined by religion and State LAW...and the cheering of blind family members that encourage the repression through marital laws as would KEEP FAMILY HONOUR.

I then decided that my physical-sexual desires had NOTHING to do with love. or honour. or marriage.
I then satisfied them elsewhere.....with precautions, as much safety as possible..IS IT safer than eating red meat, smoking, or drinking??
and so, for many many years I kept all separate from home life, the white picket fences....much furtive quenching of erotic thoughts and desires....all the while maintaining the wholesome "mother and goodwife" appearance...

and So....., 12 years later....by some twist of fate, an innocent? yet sexually hungry parent stumbles upon a two year old blog I had posted about the origins of my own twisted sexual desires at the onset of puberty ( involving Heavy metal Comics and the like..not to mention an extremely repressed upbringing) and so.. it begins.

so ..I am presented with a needy soul...and yet the responsibility of ensuring selfishness of this repressed sexual male does not destroy a happy mother-father-son family......

ooh the insanity! no, its a delusion of safety...no such thing in reality.

maybe I'll go have a drink .