Well, you know , over the past 15 years off an on I have been " suffering" from sexual addiction. I call it personal freedom (denial? moi?). but all that biological crap catches up with you eventually...pregnancy, thrush, STDs, stalkers and the like.
So after 60 plus casual ..ok, even the odd long term lover....it catches up with you.
so after some niggling vaginal distubances after the latest partner.....I visit the local STD clinic.
am greeted by cheerful friendly nurses.oh can this student come along> "SURE" why not? everyone else has viewed my genitals anyways! _ I dont actually say that out loud....
after i have answered many friendly questions about everything from my breakfast preference to my dental history...I spread my thighs for a closer inspection. " Are these dark spots normal?" yes. they were there when I was 8. " do your labia always look like that? um yeah. do they have eyes? tentacles? or what?
are you usually this red? yes. this purple?yes. this skin colored?uh. this yellow? um. this pink? maybe.good LORD I would have brought a photo collage if I had known.
finally they bring out the gear for a deeper inspection. " what the %^%^ is that? oh wait. its an IUD" like I keep my pet goldfish in there.
does this hurt? jab? this? jab jab" oh wait we have to get some pus. is that pus? your IUD is in the way, you have to bear down....ok..now birth some pus...can it get any worse? yes.
finally after a critique of my apparently demonic, alien like pussy from hell....I am allowed to get dressed. then begins the inquisition.
so when was you last partner. I told them...last week after one year of no one new, are you a prostitute. no, but sheesh if I got paid I wouldn't mind the vivisection as much. they are not amused.
the friendliness disappears when i dont have the home phone number of my last partner. I mention hes married and I'd like to mention this to him..privately...the harsher nurse gets within 3 inches of my face and demands his home number. his address. they get really angry and demand his last name and area of the city. after another hour of waiting I can go, with implied threats of home phone calls. Maybe they'll have a black van hang outside my house with a guy named Carlos glaring at me from behind dark glasses.
after 15 days I do go back for a follow up....lo and behold i get Nazi Nurse. I have no STDs, but vaginosis, although she is adamant that I am to blame. she states " you can ruin lives, childhoods and destroy marriages" and tells me to GO. just GO.
got to love the wellness health system of ALBERTA.
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